P and I have been married for nearly 6 years now and I have a confession to make. I am a nagging wife. Much like the blonde bitch in this picture, I am in his ear nagging him about eating healthier and picking up after himself. I HATE being a nag, and if your wife nags you I guarantee she hates it too.
To help explain why women nag, let me start with my story. The transition from P’s girlfriend to fiancee to ex-girlfriend/ex-fiancee to girlfriend again to fiancee to ex-girlfriend/ex-fiancee to girlfriend to fiancee to FINALLY wife was a hard one (yes, your basic math skills are up to snuff, it took us three engagements and a whole lot of booze to get us to walk down the aisle).
It was so much more fun being the girlfriend/fiancee and even ex-girlfriend/ex-fiancee because I was a non-nag. It was a beautiful thing, but then I became the wife version of me. The “wife” me now has to take off my rose colored glasses and realize that this is my partner for the next 50 years. Time to divvy up the chores and consult him on household decisions. This is the person I am waking up to every day for the rest of my life. The future father of my children. The man who I will share a toilet with as well as insurance policies, car payments and a mortgage. This is the man who will drive me to drink and drive me home when I have a little too much to drink.
A lot changes once you become a wife. The most infuriating change is nagging.
No woman aspires to be the nagging wife, it just happens.
There are two types of nagging: Love nagging and frustration nagging.
Let’s start with the easy one: Love Nagging.
Yes we get on you about what you eat and taking better care of yourself. Spoiler alert: We love you and want you to live a very long life with us. We didn’t get married just to end up widowed. Trust us, we don’t want to be on the single scene again. Do you know what that means for us? Shaving our body hair on a regular basis again!! Ughhh. We nag because we want you to live a long life so we don’t have to subject ourselves to dating again…oh, and we love you!
Now the nasty one: Frustration Nagging.
To illustrate frustration nagging, let’s use the scenario of a simple household chore: emptying out the dishwasher.
We ask you to empty out the dishwasher. We don’t tell you to, we ask politely in a very sweet and loving voice. You say you will.
We ask: “When?”
Your response as you are playing video games: “Ummm, I don’t know, when I feel like it.”
We ask in a slightly less sweet and loving voice: “Can you do it tonight?”
Your response: “Yeah, sure (following language is inaudible, but obviously cursing at a 12 year old you are online gaming with)”.
Wife goes to bed expecting to wake up to a dishwasher that has been emptied.
Fast forward to the next morning and the wife wakes to a full dishwasher. Now we (“we” meaning all of us collective nagging wives out there) get pissed and the “frustration nag” is born. When you say you are going to empty out the dishwasher, and it doesn’t get done we get upset. Not necessarily because it didn’t get done, but because you said it was going to get done and it didn’t. So technically, you lied. It was a very harmless little white lie (except for raising our blood pressure), but a lie nonetheless. Not only that, but now instead of wasting more of our sweet and loving voices to ask you once again to empty out the dishwasher we decide to just do it ourselves which makes us more tired and more naggy.
So now, next time we ask you to do something, we have the dishwasher scenario in the back of our minds. You disappointed us once, so this time we will make sure that you don’t disappoint us again. Asking you once to empty out the dishwasher obviously didn’t work, but maybe asking you again and again and again to empty out the dishwasher until it gets done will ensure that it gets done. Right? You call it nagging, we call it exhausting.
So next time your wife asks you to do something and starts “frustration nagging”, here are your two options:
The first, do it. Your wife will be happy and more apt to let you do “girlfriend” things to her in the bedroom.
The second, don’t. Be honest and just say you are too lazy to get off your butt, turn off your video game, and too busy cursing at 12 year olds from Iowa to help out around the house (but make sure you compliment your wife in the process). Say something like “That isn’t going to happen, but you have one hell of an ass.” You won’t get laid, but she will be so pissed off at you she probably won’t talk to you, let alone ask you to do anything for the next week or so (P, you are exempt from this option. I have a black belt in nagging and I know how to use it, but I agree with you that I do have a great ass).
Thanks for reading and join me tomorrow for a nag-free blog in my #93daysofblogging this summer!
Ang (which if you move the letters around is “nag”…hmmmm)