Yes, you read that correctly, my Grandma Barb is finally marrying her long time love Woody (Oh God, get your mind out of the gutter, Woody is his nickname…geez)! They have been living in sin for years now and are making it official at the end of this month. It really is a cute story of how they got together. My grandparents knew Woody and his wife for years and would encounter each other every now and then at social events. My Grandpa passed away, and Woody’s wife passed shortly after that…sad and not the cute part of the story. My Grandma was lonely, Woody was lonely…also sad and also not the cute part of the story. Fate sort of brought my Grandma and Woody back together. Two lonely hearts who reconnected and became friends who socialized within the same circle of seniors. Then (finally the cute part of the story) BAM, New Year’s Eve hits and their eyes meet, and friends became lovers…happy! Wait a sec, forgot I was writing about my Grandma and soon-to-be Grandpa …shudder…let’s move on to the dress shopping portion of this post.
So my Grandma is getting married and the wedding is hawaiian themed. This means I have to find a tropical dress to wear (always an anxiety producing activity). My Grandma also asked me to sing for her wedding (honored, but now “the dress” stakes have been raised). Oh wait, my Grandma then tells me she wants me to perform a duet with my cousin Megan. Oh S*#T! My cousin Megan who is 10 years younger, “The Megan” who is ten times hotter, and “The Megan” who is ten thousand times tanner than me! I have to look good now. Really, really, really good. Not competing with a 20-year-old good (there is no doubt that her cleavage will be the star of our duet), but classy and beautiful good. I don’t want to be singing in front of a hundred people looking like a homeless person (my everyday attire by the way) with a Victoria’s Secret model, with 20-year-old cleavage right next to me. Now that you know what my mission is please choose to accept it and let’s go dress shopping:
First stop, Nordstrom Rack. My Mom went with me (because moms always let you know if you look good or bad in something) and we both had heard such good things about this store. We went over to the clearance section and looked at the first price tag…say what?!?! More like Nordstrom “Rack”et! Some of these dresses were on clearance for hundreds of dollars. I looked at the price of one dress I thought was delightful and it was $165.00 marked down from $500.00. Who are these people who can afford a dress that costs that much? I want to meet them and make friends with them because if they have that kind of money to blow on one piece of clothing then they probably have a boat, a big boat. Being on a boat, a big boat, sounds pretty amazeballs right now! There I go veering off topic again. Well I did find a cute dress, one that wouldn’t work for the wedding, but I could wear to various holiday functions. Marked down from $118.00, this little red number cost $34.97 (plus tax of course).
Under $40.00 (sweet) but the dress stress ensues.
We then hit up Old Navy and T.J. Maxx (definitely more like our type of peeps) but found nothing.
My Mom then suggested Sears. Who shops at Sears? Well no one shops at Sears which is why they have so much clearance stuff (including dresses)…JACKPOT! After hunting the clearance/sales racks I found two dresses, both originally $70.00, marked down to $30.00. Awesome!
This one I loved because it was very becoming to my two “uts”. You guys and girls know what the two “uts” are, don’t you? The two “uts” I am referring to are my butt and my gut (and yes I am aware that one utt has two t’s and the other ut has one, but two “uts” is catchier).
This one is the most tropical out of the dresses I bought AND has butterflies (my Grandma’s lifetime obsession with butterflies has taken over her house). PERFECT! The color even makes me look a little tan and it gives my two “uts” a little more room to breathe so I can eat and drink the day of the wedding!
So what do you guys think…butterfly dress?! I’m thinking I am saying yes to this dress!
Please comment below (you know I love them), e-mail me @firstname.lastname@example.org, or tweet me @frugoal!